Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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