Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
