So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
