Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
