sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
