it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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