i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
