i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
