I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
