why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Quick, to the slutcave!
should my penis look like a turkey
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So squirting runs in the family.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
