its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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