She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
