i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
