So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
