I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
