I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
