You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
