Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize