I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
