How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
