Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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