I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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