So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wish you could order shots online.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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