Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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