@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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