You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
