Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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