i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
