I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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