Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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