You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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