a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
