At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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