the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
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I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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