At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
