i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
