worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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