Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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