I bet he comes in French.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Vodka?
Forever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
