I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
