Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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