There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
and she was petting her beer can
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
