he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
