Ambien. No doubt about it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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