I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
