he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
