i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
