"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
