Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
