No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Come share oat with me in your robe
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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