so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
