Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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