I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
