come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
