Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
