I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
