oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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