i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
