I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
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she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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