The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
