why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
