All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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