No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
