He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
