Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
