Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
