My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
