on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
