My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
