Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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